Counselling and Therapy with Children
Mental health is something that matters to all of us, young and old. I am sometimes asked, is counselling with children different than with adults. The simple answer is, yes, it largely is different. We are all individuals, young or old, but it is important to remember that children are not mini adults, they are so different in many ways.
Children think differently to adults , their brains are literally formed differently, and will remain developing into their early adult years. This has a particularly large impact on emotions; expression of emotions, understanding of what they are and how they are feeling, responses to emotions, all of which play a huge role in our sense self, our understanding of life experiences, and our mental health.
Children often respond well to more creative approaches to support, but it is always important to build a therapeutic relationship first and within that an understanding of each child as an individual, as certainly, like with adults, all children will respond to therapeutic approaches differently.
I understand that some children may talk a lot, others may choose not to use many or any words at times, we can use other forms of communication, play, music, and drawing, children sometimes needs more time to feel held and supported in a new and unfamiliar space before they will explore their world with me. That is fine, if we need that time, we will take it.
CBT can be very effective for some young people, but often for younger children or those with additional needs, identifying thoughts and feelings can be difficult, so it can be adapted and other approaches used.
It is particularly important to help children understand what is happening and why they are there, as usually, they are brought by a care giver, and do not always understand the reasons and what is expected. I always make sure children are given time to explore these.
Children will struggle more emotionally than many adults, due to their developmental level, but this certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t benefit from exploring emotions, and emotional events, they massively do. It often results in wonderful positive change, and increased self esteem, for a child to have access to a therapeutic space when needed.
Therapy sessions can seem a long time, so I always make sure younger children have space to move, and things to play and draw with if they choose to. If they want a break for a drink, that’s fine to. It is so important to follow their cues and their lead, and help them see that those are noticed and accepted and responded to in therapy. This helps children to better engage in the therapy process. There is a lot of observation when working with children in a therapeutic way, and this always informs my next steps.
I am comfortable and experienced in bringing families and carers into therapy sessions with children when this feels right.
Therapy can really help a child to understand their experiences and feelings more, to see where their place in the world, build their self esteem, develop more coping strategies, explore difficult feelings and feel more able to express these.
Children are changing and navigating their world all the time, and therapy gives them tools to do this positively and helps them, alongside yourself as their parent or carer, to feel able to cope with daily stresses for example.
I have many years experience of working therapeutically with children, from my degree focussing on child psychology and child development, time working in schools, children’s centres, CAMHS, and children mental health services, and training in CBT and creative and attachment therapies, specifically to help children with their mental health struggles. I am also experienced, both personally and professionally, in working with children who have additional needs.
My own daughter has a range of diagnoses, and I have gained a huge amount of personal and work experience in adapting my communication and therapy approaches to meet the needs of children with learning disabilities, ADHD and autism for example.
Talking about mental health with children can feel daunting, if you want to raise this with your child here’s some things to try:
Share and share alike - start by sharing how you felt about something that happened in your day
Draw a picture about how you are all feeling
Do a fun activity together - it is often easier for a child to talk, when they are engaged in doing something they like
Encourage opening up - give positive statements like “thank you for sharing”, “I love you not matter what is happening or how you feel”, “you are so brave”
Use a worry jar, write down or draw some worries or feelings at the end of the day, talk about them, or not, follow your child’s lead
Don’t be afraid to ask directly “is there something you are worried about”, “did something happen to upset you today”, you may not always get an answer, make it clear you will always be there if they want to to talk later or another time
Go for a walk together, don’t feel you have to fill the silence, just walking together can be very helpful, you can share your own feelings to encourage getting something back, any feelings will do, positive or negative
Ask if your child wants you to help them with anything
If you would like to talk about how I may be able to help your child, or young person, please do get in touch.
